I Support Eating Organic… Just For Me!

SATIRE ALERT!

I want to eat healthy and organic for the rest of my life. I CAN’T STAND the idea of pumping harmful chemicals and toxins into my body (except for when I decide to trip on acid).

Only a small percentage of the population actually eats healthy- and I’m okay with that. Besides, I want as many people eliminated from the Earth as possible anyway! The swine can have their McDonalds, their diet soda, and their hormone injected meats. I’m perfectly accepting of the suicide approach to solving the problem of overpopulation.

Today I was walking through a Walmart super-center (and it’s anything but “super” if you were to ask me). The lanes were JAM-PACKED with Beaners, Chinese, and Flemish people. I wanted OUT just as soon as I was done buying my Richard Simmons blow up doll. I kept thinking, “JESUS f**kING CHRIST! We need a severe Nazi holocaust around these parts!” But then I saw a fat red-neck family toting around a case of Mountain Dew. It was right then and there I had let out of a BIG sigh of relief. I knew that these people’s blatant lack of respect for their own bodies will ultimately cause their untimely departure from this planet. I was suddenly happy (in fact, I did a lil’ Jewish jig right there in the little girls underwear department).

I WANT the world to drink the government poisoned tap water. I WANT the world to consume McDonalds patty one after the other. I WANT the world to get fat, have heart attacks, and die early deaths. See, I don’t care much for the species- I only care for myself and my family. And you better believe that my family only eats organic!

My followers are smart people. I’m sure if they haven’t already, they’ll begin to eat both healthy and organic after reading this article. I recommend it to every soldier of The Grant J. Kidney Revolution. Keep healthy- keep focused- stay strong. If we’re gunna change the world, we can’t be hooked on twinkies, reese cups, and root-beer.

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