Top 5 Ways to Increase Your Lifespan

Grant J. Kidney— More and more today folks have given in to the elite social planner’s design for a bloated, unhealthy, diabetic population. Quick and easy access to inorganic, highly processed food has bred a generation of fat slobs who would more than likely croak if ever they were to go for a morning jog through the park.

Mega corporations don’t care if you and your family practice a healthy lifestyle. Their game is solely to make asinine amounts of profit at your expense. The following are 5 healthful tips on how to increase your lifespan and to beat the social planner’s game which would otherwise have you buried six feet under.

1.) Eat organic. Think about it- if you’re not eating organic, you’re eating ‘INorganic’. Now why would you want to do that? Take a gander at the various ingredients in some of the more popular, unhealthy items at your local grocery store next time you go shopping. You’ll soon discover that what you’ve been eating all along sounds as though it came from a science fiction novel.

2.) Exercise, but don’t kill yourself. Studies have shown that doing strenuous amounts of exercise is actually bad for you. When walking by the community gym, I oft observe the big sweaty men straining their muscles and squinting as though they were being blasted away by a nuclear bomb. The fact is that one can actually overload their heart by overworking their bodies- and this could ultimately lead to a premature heart attack.

3.) Drink some olive oil each and every day. It has been shown that those on the ‘mediterranean diet’ will actually live longer, more healthful lives all thanks in part to the oil secreted from olives. Try to stick to 100% virgin olive oil. I personally drink about two tablespoons per day.

4.) Have sex and masturbate a bunch. Sexual activity is quite healthy as well as an extremely satisfying aspect of adult life. For men, having sex on a frequent basis helps to boost natural testosterone levels. Low testosterone is often correlated with erectile dysfunction. Sex can also be seen as a natural form of exercise and if practiced regularly could replace any other simple exercises such as lite jogging.

5.) Drink a couple beers every day. All of the negativity usually associated with alcohol consumption is thrown out the window by multiple studies which have proven that two beers per day (women, one beer) is actually good for you. Beer helps to lower blood pressure and the regular consumption thereof will greatly decrease one’s risk for heart failure. Be cautioned that its not advised to drink more than the recommended level unless on an infrequent basis.

Note: I am not a qualified, professional doctor. I do ‘doctor’ photos however. Please don’t come to me with medical questions. Thank you.

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